Reading This Will Give You Cancer

Notice: Studies have shown that reading this article is a direct link to cancer. Read at your own risk.

According to multiple studies done nation wide, almost anything you partake in will lead to you developing that dreaded, so overly-feared 6 letter word. Cancer. Yes, by drinking redbull, taking a strole on the beach; or eating processed meats, you will conceive cancer. Lucky you, eh? Well if you're dumb enough to follow what the media says, as if it's your everyday bible, then I guess so.

The opinions of inadequate journalists on medical research papers have led countless to believe that numerous entities are 'direct links' to cancer. Not realizing that these things, like alcohol, red meats, and radiation, have only been seen as a similar risk factor among people in the cause of cancer. Stupid, stupid, brainwashed people...

As a result of the public taking the media so seriously, they have thrown things out of proportion and are creating pandemonium over everyday life. "Oh I can't go outside, the amount of exposure to the sun from the time I leave my front door to the point where I enter my car will give me cancer." They let the fear of the risk of getting cancer, which is quite minimal may I add, prevent them from carrying on with their daily doings.

C'mon people. Get over your phobias and live a little.
Unsympathetically yours,
~Chiko.